all your weight

 

you let out
all your weight
on me
 
and I take it
 
close my eyes
and feel the pressure
cover my whole being
 
feels like
everything good
in the world
 
pushing into me
all at once
 
and I'll take it

I promise

te llevaré , mi mujer

hasta que no pueda cargarte más

my heart

my heart

exploded

again

like it always does

and all those

little pieces

of me

went floating

upward

and outward

on turbulent

little waves

of sky

my heart

really

can't be left 

alone

she just goes

wandering

aimlessly

howling 

at the moon.

10/11/2020  AAW

Canon City

I can see you

in the headlights of the river,

brown skin turning more brown

as you let yourself

let yourself

go.

08/15/2020  AAW

rattlesnake

bits of history

shining silver tricks in the light

blinding my eyes just

a little bit

-you know

that red sweater

on that couch

in that one house

of all the hundred houses

safest I’ve ever felt

in my whole life

softest

warmth

I’ve ever known

-watching you,

mother,

walk the slowest

of all walks

down the gravel path

from your house

arms lightly clasped

behind your back

knowing full well

you were going to die

-rattlesnake

you called me

an old rattlesnake

voice shaking

full of love.

the last day

a small

cheap café

in some lesser

known residential

neighborhood

of Lisbon

my stomach

rumbling

my heart

churning

everything is

different

I thought

everything would

be the same

somehow

but I suppose

change is required

so I drink

three espressos

and begin

my last full day

within the confines

of Portugal

I am

alone

my woman

is at home

waiting

my family

is torn apart

by their differences

and indifferences

I am

torn apart

by my need

to feel whole

within the whole

I simply cannot

fix

what I cannot

fix

some hearts

are meant to remain

ragged

and so I float

onward

down cobblestone

streets of old

wondering

at my steadfast desire

to simply feel alive

knowing surely

that these babies

will keep crying

these men

will keep smoking

these stores

will keep selling

and these dreams

of billions

will always be

dreamt

will always be

dreamt

will always be

dreamt

and on my way

back to my room

I stumble

upon a random

sidewalk book sale

near a patch

of purple flowers

I would

read them all

if I could

read Portuguese

but I can barely 

read my own mind

any more

I just fall 
forward.

10/16/2019  AAW

she wants more

the

little bird

in my chest

is rattling

her cage

she is hungry

she wants more

she will take

what she needs

she will seek

opportunity

to escape

she will

fly free

she will

make a nest

inside your hair

live there forever

inside

the dream.

10/15/2019  AAW

I am asking

across the Atlantic

my heart of hearts

beams with warmth

it is raining outside

making the streets of Porto

slick and dangerous

it is cold

but I cannot feel it

it is grey

but I am filled with reds

and oranges and purples

and passion

I send the seagulls

with a message for you

sleeping so small

in our big bed

I would take your hand

inside mine forever

if you would allow it

I am

asking.

10/13/2019  AAW